Day 2 – Complain is My Middle Name

Guyssss it’s hot in here.

Today, we had an important client visit the office to get a better look at how we operate. We were informed that the client lived in a state that was rather warm, and because the weather here can be very sporadic we turned up the thermostat to make sure they felt at home. This actually played right into the drama with my overly zealous office mate. The genius made a comment yesterday exclaiming, “it’s just too cold to work in here, why can’t we turn on the fireplace! It’s not fair. Why can’t I have a say in how hot or cold it is in here?” Well my favorite muffin top, you can sit next to the fireplace, we just won’t be turning it on until it’s actually cold in here. Generally, most people can agree that when people are wearing t-shirts in the office, it probably doesn’t make much sense to crank up the fireplace. SO today was her day, the thermostat was set at a whopping 85 degrees! Way too hot for my standards, but okay I’ll deal with it. Can you guess her response? At about 10AM I hear this loud annoying screech. “ OMG it’s just sooo hot in here. I’m getting tired. I can barely work in these conditions. I don’t know if I can handle this heat. Are you guys hot, seriously?” The other guy sitting next to me decided to humor her and agrees that it’s hot but reminds her of the comment she made yesterday. She turns around and gives him an evil glare. Hilarious.

Did anyone forget how great I am?

It’s now 4 o’clock and my other office mate is just about to head out the door. He announces that he’s leaving and just as he’s a foot away from the door, I’m the best and you know it exclaims, “Wait! Come over here. Look at how much work I’ve completed today. I know for a fact that it’s more work than either of you guys have completed.” Oh yeah? How do you figure? That’s easy. She just knows she’s the best. Well twittle twat there’s really no way to compare your work to ours because you are in charge of documentation, which is responsible for $0 ARR. But we needed someone to do it so that’s her job. But hey, I’m sure you wrote a lot of big words today and that deserves a gold star. This is just day 2 and I’m already going crazy sitting next to this idgot. I can’t wait to see what she says next.

Here’s to not getting caught ☺

Day 1- I got an Award!

Did you get the memo? Every day is not ugly sweater day.

Today, I walked into our newly remodeled office and it smelled like Apple Pie. Now I have no problems with Apple Pie, but why? Of course, the new girl. I ask “What’s with the candle?” It wasn’t like it smelled bad in here. I’ll give it to her, that there’s three guys working in here at once, which in some situations could mean heavy body odors. But not here. Everyone is pretty well-kept and seems to have pretty above average hygiene, so I ask why? “I’m working in a room with three boys, I NEED a candle, otherwise it will smell just terrible in here!”  Well I hate to break it to you, but chances are YOU are the only one that smells bad. She wears this terrible ugly sweater almost every day to work, and I know she never washes it because the same stains are always there. It looks like something your grandma would make for you, which you would shove in the bottom of your socks drawer – only to wear when she’s around. Well this girl must think that every day is ugly sweater day because she wears it constantly. Hey sweetie, your grandmother isn’t here and the sweater looks terrible on you. The sweater is blackish grey with three oddly shaped buttons going up the left side (you can tell they were each sewn on with love) and on the back there is a blaring gold cross going from top to bottom. So gross. The thing must be washed once a month and smells like a sewer.

P.s – Nobody cares

So I came back from lunch and she was looking at the TV mantle with a co-worker, talking about how they should decorate it. She immediately says, “We can put my picture up!” OMG did you seriously just say that? You obnoxious little twat. Who do you think you are? You think everyone wants to look at your picture? Think again. She must think that she’s just so hot, but in reality she’s just okay. I would probably give her a 6 which is really saying something, because I’m currently banging a rather rubenesque chick who also thinks she’s super awesome. But that’s for another time. Then she says, “Let’s put our awards up there! Oh wait, not everyone in here has an award like me. In fact, I have two myself. I’m just so good.” Yes….. that is exactly what she said, word for word. So I say, “Wow that’s great!!! You should get another award for having an award in the first place! Just so everyone can know how great you are.”

Everyone has a co-worker who is just completely, un-doubtingly, so fucking arrogant. But I have never been so compelled – ever – to actually write about it. But I can tell already this girl is going to give me a lot to talk about..

I hope I don’t get caught :)